梵高：画语人生

重读这些由他的书信组成的字幕，突然发现，在极为孤独的世界里，有颗孩子的心，和诗人的臆想，他要将画笔演成音符唱最动人的颂歌赞美这不曾温暖过他的世界。

When we think of Van Gogh, we see him as a strange, mad genius who somehow, through sheer instinct, found a way of pouring out the blaze of his inner feelings onto canvas.

Let me quietly continue my work. if it's that or the madman, well, then too bad. and i can't do anything about it.

1.
My dear Theo,
where can i go that's worse than where i've already been? Shut up for long days under lock and key and in the isolation cell. I still have a certain "what's the good of getting better?" feeling. however the unbearable hallucinations have stopped. Reducing themselves to simple nightmares. Physically, i'm well. The wound is closing very well and the great loss of blood is balancing out. The most fearsome thing is the insomnia. I feel weak, a little anxious and fearful.

2.
I won't hide from you that I would prefer to die than cause and bear so much trouble.
To suffer without complaining is the only lesson that has to be learned in this life.

3.
The love between two brothers is a great support in life, that's an age-old truth. Let the fire of love between us not be extinguished. But let instead the experience of life make that bond even stronger, let us remain upright and candid with each other.
Let there be no secrets, as things stand today.

4.
Going down in a mine is an unpleasant business, in a kind of basket or cage like a bucket in a well. So down there looking upward, the daylight appears to be about as big as a star in the sky. The workers get used to it, but even so, they never shake off and unconquerable feeling of horror and dread.

5.
I for one, a man of passions, capable and liable to do rather foolish things for which I sometimes feel rather sorry. For example, you know well that I've neglected my appearance. I admit it's rather shocking. Must consider oneself a dangerous man incapable of anything at all? I don't think so. Money troubles-ha! And poverty have something to do with it. Now you say, from such and such a time, you've been going downhill, you've faded away, you've down nothing. Now that being so, what's to be done?

6.
My plan is not to spare myself, not to avoid a lot of difficulties and emotions. It's of a relative indifference to me whether I live a long or short time. I'm concerned with the world only in that I have a certain obligation, or duty, if you like. Having walked the world for 30 years to leave a souvenir of gratitude in the form of paintings or drawings.

7.
From the beginning of this love I've felt that unless I threw myself into it unreservedly, committing myself to it whole-heartedly, fully and forever, then there would be absolutely no chance for me.
But does it matter to me if the chance is smaller or larger? I mean, must I, can I, take that into accounts when I love? No. No thought to the winnings. One loves because one loves.

To love. What a business.

8.
I find in her exactly what I need. Life has given her a drubbing and sorrow. Sorrow and adversity have left their mark. She posed for my very best drawing, Sorrow. I want to make drawings that move some people. Sorrow is a small beginning. At least it contains something straight from my own feelings. I couldn't draw Sorrow if I didn't feel it myself.
In all of nature, trees for instance, I see expression and soul.

9.
What I think is the best life is a life made up of long years of being in touch of nature out of doors.

10.
Alone, one is sure to perish. Only with another can one be saved.
The very best and most effective medicine is still love and a home.

11.
I want to give the idea of a way of life wholly different from ours. I certainly don't just want everyone to admire it or approve of it without knowing why.

12.
I want to begin by telling you that this part of the world seems to me as beautiful as Japan for the clearness of the atmosphere and the charm of the colour effects. Pale orange sunsets, making the fields almost blue. Glorious yellow suns.

13.
So many days pass without me saying a word to anyone except to order supper or a coffee. It's been like that from the start. For my part, it worries me to spend so much time by myself, alone.

14.
I shall count myself very happy if I manage to work enough to earn my living. It makes me very worried when I tell myself that I've done so many paintings and drawings without ever selling any.

15.
What a beautiful land and what a beautiful blue and what a sun.
So then my brush goes between my fingers as if it were the bow on a violin and absolutely for my pleasure.

16.
Since my illness, the feelings of loneliness takes hold of me in the fields in such a fearsome way that i hesitate to go out. With time, though, that will change. It's only in front of the easel while painting that I feel a little of life. I feel a failure. That's it is regards me. I feel that that's the fate I'm accepting and which won't change any more.

17.
I feared, not completely but a little nonetheless, that I was a danger to you, living at your expense. Perhaps like to write to you about many things. Profess the desire has passed to such a degree that I feel the pointlessness of it.
I'm applying myself to my canvases with all my attention. They're immense stretches of wheat fields under turbulent skies. And I made a point of trying to express sadness, extreme loneliness.

18.
We're now living here in a world of painting where everything is occupied by people, who all intercept money. And you mustn't think that I'm imagining things. People pay a lot for the work when the painter himself is dead.