再见，我的新郎

《再见，我的新郎》一部未经任何雕琢修饰的记录片，它没有刻意煽情，但奇怪地，它愈是克制，愈让人感到真实！在如此令人心碎的爱情故事面前，甚至粗糙、拙劣的制作水准都不再重要！看得哭到心口疼，泣不成声！看完后甚至没有勇气敢去再回忆和品味个中细节！

世上最爱的人没立场签手术同意书，没资格在你最需要时，陪着你，抱紧你，告诉你不要害怕，有我在你身旁，只能眼睁睁让你独自面对死亡。我明白了，这才是呼吁同性婚姻合法化的真实意义，真爱不需要那张纸，可社会制度需要，它是允许我站在你身旁的唯一入场券！

他们的爱始终带着隐忍和压抑，外人在场时，“我爱你”要用三声叩击代替，牵个手还需遮挡，公开场合更不会亲密。旅行中，Shane偶然一次的亲吻，让Tom兴奋感动异常。这成了Shane在失去Tom后最遗憾的事，Shane说，我常常会想，如果当时不隐藏，会不会让你感受到更多的爱。（看到这里，真是想嚎啕大哭！现在再回忆，眼泪都止不住，觉得好揪心！）

其实对于Shane来说，最好的慰藉，同时也是最痛心的伤痕莫过于曾经拥有Tom和那么完美的爱情！但比起失去Tom，更残忍的是被Tom的父母抹杀掉所有他们曾相爱的痕迹，将Tom从Shane的世界粗暴地连根拔起。Tom被死神幽禁在冰冷的地下，甚至墓碑都被困于迂腐道德的夹缝中。而Shane则只能依靠凭吊六年的点滴，去面对未来六十年彻骨思念的侵蚀。

圣诞节前夕，各自回家的路上，两人告白时，曾憧憬的那么简单的幸福，让上帝策划的这场生死别离显得残忍无比！！不明白如此平凡的“想要在一起”的愿望怎么就成了最贪婪的奢求？（两人的告白短讯真是虐心，哭晕的节奏！）

“他们不是罗密欧与朱丽叶，他们是罗密欧和罗密欧。”
"It's not a gay thing. It's not a straight thing. It's a human thing."
我爱你，太美好，时间会知道。

去Shane的SNS账号看了他最近的生活，今年1月6号的时候他po了这样一条消息：
I recently turned 29, which was bittersweet because that was the age Tom was when he died. In fact, he died 15 days after his birthday. This morning I realized that it's been 17 days since mine. This fact makes me sad, but I also feel lucky and grateful. It might seem melodramatic to share this, but I don't care. I am grateful to be alive and I'm proud to say so. I hope that I can use every day I have, days Tom never got, to do something meaningful and to honor the man I loved. I know I have to move on with my life, and I am, but I will always miss Tom and hope I am making him proud. 这段话后面贴了他们俩的合照。
他把#Tap Tap Tap做成了一个活动。
这几年间他一直在为LGBT奔走。
和JB一起生活着。
去世界各地。

一直觉得影片名Bridegroom简直神了。
Thomas Lee Bridegroom, I want u to be my Bridegroom.

Which he could never be.

印象中，关于男同题材的电影，有两部看的时候掉了眼泪，一部是《蓝宇》，虽然明知是虚构的故事，但蓝宇的意外离世，本就令人唏嘘不已的同时，捍东形单影只，虽无一言却有千殇；背景音乐《你怎么舍得我难过》响起，无不令人痛心。那刻，观者的情绪一定可以超越同性爱情这个主题，生离死别是人类共同的情感，轻易就可以刺穿心脏。大概在《蓝宇》之后，开始接受了男同电影，不再刻意忽略有意回避，毕竟理解他们并不比理解女同更难。但誉满中外，拿奖无数的《断臂山》却没有打动我。事实上我对它是嗤之以鼻的，此处省略1000字，爱不起来的原因并不复杂，影片没有打破同志的宿命，且尽是无谓的周折，一厢情愿的等待和期待。对于自作自受的结果，若还能赚人热泪，就太矫情了。

令我落泪的第二部男同电影便是这部《再见，我的新郎》，其实是一部纪录片，往往会让我觉得乏味无趣的形式，但主角太帅，事实本身已经充满了戏剧性，当事人及其朋友亲人的现身说法合在一起的吸引力实在不容小觑。而且比任何电影都更完整的看到了两位帅哥的炼成史，他们所遭遇的人生困境，他们的爱情和生活，欢笑和眼泪。真实的力量无比强大。

在片子里，Shane从小就发觉自己与众不同，对此的恐惧和被他人的讥笑排挤，成了他成长过程中最主要的内容。他郁郁寡欢，几欲求死。家人对此束手无策，无可奈何。可能是这种更坏的结果令Shane的家人意识到，如果不接受Shane的性取向便等于毁了他，亲手杀了他，无疑他们本来就一直陪着Shane饱受折磨，很难不曾在心里疑虑过，祈祷过，当发现问题的症结所在时，漫长的乌云遮蔽的日子似乎被一丝光线划开，那点希望再加上一点爱，令Shane很轻易得到了家人的接纳。Shane饱受折磨的过去，终于有希望消抵在轻装上阵的未来。

天赐的礼物是及时和珍贵的，因为这件礼物有化黯然为明朗的神奇功效，这件礼物就是Tom。

Tom和Shane一样，是造物主一不留神产出的异类，是和异性无法相吸的男同。但Tom从小就开朗优秀，俊朗不凡。他的前途看起来熠熠生辉，他浑身散发出的吸引力大概可以吸引到任何一个女孩或男孩。他看起来太无可挑剔，才令家人对他倍增期待，而无法接受超出期待外的任何情节。

Tom和Shane在一起六年，他们的感情和生活感染着身边的朋友，老板，同事。也赢得了Shane家人毫无保留的支持接纳。但幸福的另一面往往是悲伤。那个很好，很难不被人喜欢的小伙子Tom，却面对着来自自己家庭的巨大压力。父亲的固执指责，态度强硬到Tom只能选择要么滚，要么死；母亲也好不到哪里去，万般不愿接受儿子的爱人是男人。

如果故事到这里结束了也不算太差。即使得不到双方家庭的认可，但两个人的生活也不会因此变得太坏。况且来日方长，再坚固的堡垒也可以在米已成炊不可改变的现实下被慢慢攻破。

如果上帝真的给这对恋人更长的时间就好了。但人生无常，世事难料。

Tom死于一场比意外更意外的意外中。Shane没有资格在第一时间于医院守护在爱人身边，甚至Tom宣告死亡后还得依靠医院护士的通融帮助方能见上爱人最后一面。

不是亲属，没有权利这样的字眼，在一个令人悲痛欲绝的时刻被表达出来，谁还要说同性婚姻合法化这件事无关痛痒，可有可无？

这对恋人的悲剧还远远没有结束。Tom的死，令其家庭唯一的想法就是和Shane尽可能的划清关系。Shane不能参加Tom的葬礼，而Tom至死都没有得到家庭对其性向的接纳。比起Shane，他实在要不幸太多。

这是一个真实的故事。在这个真实故事里可以看到成也家人败也家人的残酷现实。你能遇到怎样的家人，是否能够得到父母无条件的爱，很大程度上决定着背负着同性恋的标签生活者的人生走向。有个想法可能有些残忍，但未必没有一点上帝的旨意，当Tom被生之养之的父母所摈弃，甚至厌恶，上帝看不过眼父母的作为，一怒之下拿走了Tom的生命。此后阴阳相隔的日子里，和失去儿子相比，接纳儿子的性取向其实并没有那么难，会不会成为Tom父母辗转反侧时的心声，我并不知晓。但最起码，谁会愿白头人送黑头人呢？又有多大的罪恶使得一个风华正茂的男孩儿的生命戛然而止呢。

如果要假设和追问，则有太多答案萦绕心头。这部纪录片的存在，及获得的关注和口碑，在很大程度上已经说明人心是可以被打动的，真心的爱是可以在超越性别之上被更多更多人理解接纳的。

即使眼前仍旧峰峦叠嶂，阻碍重重。但毕竟在走向柳暗花明的那一村。

      The sense of emptiness kept haunting me to the end of the documentary, with the gaiety of Same Love re-veiling the not-completely-told story. Because Tom is gone. Everyone were talking what a great person he is, what a lovely couple Shane and him were meant to be, and what a horrendous nightmare things turned out. But Tom is gone.
      I was fantasizing those love words Tom once whispered against Shane's ear when I heard the voice of Tom, which had been preciously and fortunately recorded as the last thing in the world through which people could feel him indirectly. He is a professional vocalist for me. I looked up several versions of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire but not one of them could ever compare with his. But he is gone.
      A TV news Footage tells you nothing but when and where, who was dead, suicidal, homicidal or accidental. It cannot be more normal. However it's such a ruthless official obituary for those who were closely related to the deceased, especially for the one he once shared pillows with. I'm not qualified to empasize with Shane because I've never got into such a relationship. But I do wanna say to Shane, I have your back. Let me, let us be your rock. Since all that you've gone through, the hard time to make a real connection with either family and the heartbreaking shutting out by Tom's parents, I hope you could really, one day, let go all the dark and move on, carrying the memory rather than survive on them for the rest of your life. You look pretty weighed down when you stepped in front of Taj Mahal, you are unhappy.
      Not until Shane explained the meaning of three taps that I was slightly touched by the tap tap tap at the very beginning part of this documentary. Tap, tap, tap, I love you. Tap, tap, tap, I love you. Three taps on Tom's thigh, once more and once more, the last love I can say to you. Also at the very beginning, their favourite song, Garth Brooks' The Dance, somewhat a sad song while not that sentimental, and what a reflection of their love story.
      I listed below the lyrics and translated into Chinese on my own.

_____________________________________________________

      
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?
我们曾在熠熠星光下起舞
我的世界一度因为你而完整
而我何尝料到有朝一日你将离我而去？


And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could've missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance
而现在我庆幸自己不知道这一切缘何而终，何去何从
我们本可以听天由命，任凭彼此人生交错，如此一生
我本可以避开一切苦痛，却始终不忍错过，与君共舞


Holding you, I held everything
For a moment, wasn't I a king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey, who's to say? You know I might have changed it all
拥抱着你，我彷如拥有了全世界。
你的爱叫我一度成为了王，不是么？
可要是我当初知道这王会有那样颓丧的命运，
我怎么会说出“你知道，我能改变这一切”这样自负的话


And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could‘ve missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance
而现在我庆幸自己不知道这一切缘何而终，何去何从
我们本可以听天由命，任凭彼此人生交错，如此一生
我本可以避开一切苦痛，却始终不忍错过，与君共舞


Yes, my life is better left to chance
I could’ve missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance
是的，听天由命的人生多好
我本可以避开一切苦痛，却始终不忍错过，与君共舞